When Travel goes wrong: Top 6 Funny /Weird Travel Stories
The last time we looked, life is not a progressive series of predictable and controlled events. In fact those of you who travel understand that it can be the exact opposite. Plans and logistics can go horribly wrong throwing the unsuspecting traveler into a world of chaos and mass hysteria.
But you know what? Those ‘oh crap’ moments can be quite unpleasant at the time but deep down inside you know that they will make for one heck of a story later on in the local pub over a beer or 20 with family and friends.
We just love to hear about these stories!!!
Nothing in life is perfect. And the same goes for travel. These crazy and messed up stories not only illustrate the less glamorous part of traveling but they form an important part of the actual travel experience itself.
They represent the challenge of handling adversity and the thrill that adventure represents-uncertainty, overcoming issues, teamwork and sometimes a few chuckles at the seemingly impossible situation you find yourself in. You asked for it.
Adventure and travel is about stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing whatever comes your way- Whether it’s a snow storm on Kilimanjaro, being confined in a broken down bus with 30 ripe smelling farm workers on a narrow mountain pass, or being chased down the road by an angry elephant in the Kruger, it’s all part of the adventure.
So we went on a mission!!
We wanted to find out from our clients some of their weirdest and most messed up stories and put them together into a post. And what we found out is definitely worth a read!! The stories are a mixture of funny, dangerous and maybe a bit spicy for some. But at the end of it all, the stories have one thing in common-learn what not do on an adventure and what things to avoid. And of course the names have been changed to protect the innocent and avoid any unnecessary embarrassment to the people involved. But….form the sake of humankind, we shall never let them forget!!
So let’s get right into it then….
Never trust a fart at altitude
Ahhh yes….. We all know that feeling, the insatiable need to release trapped air from your bottom that we humans find so enjoyable and rewarding. Yes, the humble fart has multiple names from Bump Burp, Trouser Cough to the Ripper. It is a harmless and humble expression that means us no harm. Well we refer to its humble characteristics from a normal perspective. Add a bit of altitude for example and that Bump Burp turns into something a little more vicious.
Let us start with the setting. Back in August 2008 we were heading up to the summit of Kilimanjaro. We were heading up the Western Breach to set up camp just below the summit of Uhuru. The route is brutal in terms of acclimatizing.
We had woken up to a snowstorm and had no other option than to push through to camp which known as the Crater Camp, situated a mere 100m below the summit of Kilimanjaro. We set up camp in -20 degrees Celcius and proceeded to snuggle up in our sleeping bags with our favorite teddy bear. That is when disaster struck. My tent partner, who we shall refer to as Mr. Smith, decided that it was a good time to ‘let one go’. However!!!! It is never a good idea to fart at altitude, especially 5800m. The human digestive system compounded with the effects of the thinning air does not function at altitude.
Your body is more concerned at keeping the vital organs like heart, lungs, liver and kidneys functioning. So as Mr. Smith released the beast it was too late for him to realize that it was not air escaping but something warmer and wetter. And to add to the problem, he happened to be in his sleeping bag at the time. So picture it if you can.
A sleeping bag filled with wet oozing pooh and a snowstorm raging outside-But first things first. Mr. Smith proceeded out into the minus 20 blizzard, discarded his soiled hiking pants and spend the next 15 minutes intimately cleaning his ‘Lilly white botty’ up with the reluctant wetwipes. Hmm…. Visualize this if you can. Squatting with no pants on in a blizzard with your kahunas delicately poised in the snow…
Anyway, after the cleanup mission, it was back into the tent. But alas, his sleeping bag had also been soiled. In South Africa, we have a saying for that. ‘EISH!!’ But hypothermia on Kilimanjaro was not an option. Poor old Mr. Smith had to make himself comfortable with in his new environment. And the best part? He still had 3 more days on the mountain in that sleeping bag. Poor bugger. So there you have it. Do not trust a fart at altitude
Wee willy winky
Scuba diving… What and incredible and chilled out pastime-A relaxed sport that allows one to momentarily escape the manmade world and dive into a world of mystery and wonder. One of the best diving locations in South Africa is situated in the small town of Sodwana. South Africa is a country of rich heritage, culture and traditions. And the same goes for the Scuba diving fraternity.
Now we are not sure how it works in other countries, but here in sunny South Africa, it is a tradition that on your 100th dive you need to go naked. Suffice to say many divers have mysteriously lost their log books or seem to be stuck on dive number 99 for over years now. And as luck would have it, back in 2013, a diver by the name of Mr. Smith had decided to follow the customary procedures of the SCUBA diving code of Ethics and go naked.
The dive spot for the day was one of Sodwana’s most popular hot spots known as ‘’Antons, situated on 2 Mile reef. The dive was relatively uneventful, given the naked body gliding effortlessly over the reef. But suddenly disaster struck. This particular reef in Sodwana is favored by the Moray Eel-A snakelike predator that has a liking for dangling and squirming creatures. And that is just what the unsuspecting Mr. Smith had on offer that fateful day.
The diver had come just a tad too close to a hole where one of these eels was lying in wait. BAM!!!! The eel, thinking the dangling and writhing protrusion was a fish struck with deadly force. The resulting chaos was a mixture of disbelief and anguish. Some things cannot be unseen. And we are not going to delve into an in-depth description of what was seen.
We will leave that up to your imagination. The Eel eventually let go of the ‘fish’, leaving us with the delicate procedure of getting Mr. Smith back to boat, applying a band aid or 20 and rushing him to the closest hospital. And of course, as luck would have it. The walk along the beach to the car brought with it about 100 wondering eyes. Needless to say, Mr. Smith was Okay and was back at the lodge that evening. His unfortunate antics spurred on a song by Dean Martin called ‘Amore’. It went a little something like this:
What’s that thing on the reef with the big shiny teeth? It’s a Moray. Put your winky in the crack and you won’t get it back….from the Moray”
Say no to Drugs
Is it a bird? Is it plane? No it’s a sleeping tablet you dumbass. Embarking on a guided hike in the Drakensberg is a truly magnificent experience. The solitude and endless spires of rock and hills with captivate your soul and all will be at peace with you and the world. Mountains are also hard and unforgiving sometimes.
The hiking distances in the Drakensberg can be as much as 15km a day with elevation gains of over 2500m. Hikers are usually laden with backpacks and their mother in laws words of wisdom on taking her beloved daughter into the mountains, And of course after a long it is understandable that one can get weary and aching legs from time to time.
Back in the summer of 2015 a group of hikers were attempting to summit the highest mountain in South Africa-Mafadi, situated at an altitude of 3,451m above sea level. And as luck would have it, another Mr. Smith happened to be booked on this epic guided hike to the Drakensberg Mountains. Anyway, the hiking was hard. The first 2 days were basically straight up.
The 3rd night was spent in the Upper Injasuthi Cave just below the summit. Mr. Smith was battling with cramps and was concerned his problem was holding up the group. That night he decided to take an anti-cramp tablets to alleviate the problem. Wait. What are we saying? Mr. Smith doesn’t believe in doing things in half measures.
“One tablet is not going to work. I don’t care what the packaging says. I’m gonna take 2’”, he mumbled from the back of the cave. Little did Mr. Smith know that he did not have the right packaging and unknowingly hammered back 2 sleeping tablets instead. Tweet Tweet!! Two little dicky birds, one named Peter, one named Paul were kind enough to wake us all at 5am to ready us for the grueling 16km hike down Leslies Pass.
We all got up and readied ourselves for the day ahead. Well almost all of us. Mr. Smith had decided to have a bit of a lie in for some unknown reason. Through much banging of pots and screaming, he finally made an effort to arise. And that is all it was-An effort. The poor guide now had the arduous task of guiding a sleep walker down one of the most difficult gullies in the Drakensberg.
Needless to say the hike took longer than expected and there were many a distraught mumblings of disgust from the rest of the group. I mean how inconsiderate of him to be so chilled out and slow when there was an itinerary to stick to. It was only discovered the next day that the wrong tablet had been taken!! But all’s well that ends well. Mr. Smith was forgiven for his mistake and the rounds of drinks were on him for the night. Moral of the story? Check your medication before wolfing it down, especially in the mountains.
She loves me She loves me not
“I want a divorce!!!!’ Those were the screaming words that echoed around the Barafu Camp on Kilimanjaro. Now let me tell you a story. I have been around a while and have seen many sucker punches in my day. But wow!!!! That was the granddaddy of sucker punches.
Climbing Kilimanjaro can be either the most rewarding thing you have ever done or it can the most stupidest thing you have ever done. Mr. Smith had a lifelong dream of climbing the highest mountain in Africa. He trained hard and was dedicated to the cause.
Mrs. Smith was not at all interested in the outdoors. But being the determined and driven man he was, Mr.Smith was adamant that he was going to get his wife to hike up the mountain with him. I mean If he gives up on convincing her to climb what else would he give up on in life. Right? WRONG!! Mr. Smith had never really concentrated in school and was absent when his dear old teacher was explaining the term ‘let sleeping dogs lie’.
Oh…and he was also absent for the class that delved deeply into the ancient principle that suggests a happy wife is a happy life. And….oh yes…he also missed the selfless love for dummies class. Anyway, after much resistance and tiresome discussions, Mrs. Smith finally agreed to climb Mount Kilimanjaro with him. With all due respect, we take our climbing helmets off to her.
She managed 5 days of snowstorms, freezing cold and a mild case of altitude sickness before that fateful hour. So traumatic was the plea that we can even remember the exact time. It was 19H34 on a Thursday. I had just taken a sip of my mushroom soup. Or was it cabbage? It was meaningless anyhow. It was just functional anyway. “I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!!!”
Eish… the bustling camp went silent. The only sound was the chirping of a non-existing cricket. The next 1 hour or so was an episode of Jerry Springer on steroids. Mrs. Smith was all over him like a rash. After a while we were not sure who to feel sorry for? Mrs. Smith for being forced into doing something she hated…. Or Mr. Smith for the endless bombardment of abuse. Moral of the story? Ummmmm..pretty simple really. If you don’t get the lesson here, maybe don’t bring them on a mountain just yet.
Is that a domesticated lion
The desire to sing the song “The lion sleeps tonight” is just ‘a whim away, a whim away’. Okay sorry for that. Childish we know. Let’s get right into our next weirdest moment of adventure. The Kruger Park is the most well-known game reserve in South Africa. It is home to an abundance of wild animals and you are crazy if you decide not to embark on a safari tour while in country. So that is just what Mr. Smith decided to do.
He had been working hard and deserved a tour into the Kruger. But alas, he was bit of a loner and didn’t feel the need for a guide. I mean what do you need that for? He was from the USA and he was no stranger to ‘wild’ and dangerous animals. He had even saved his kitten once from the jaws of death. Let’s just say the poodle involved was eventually released from the ‘dangerous animal’ section of the pound and rehabilitated.
The kitten was unscathed and Mr. Smith was a hero. Bring on the Kruger. Day 2 of his tour through the reserve and he happened upon a small watering hole favored by zebra and wildebeest. But was also a very hot day and Mr. Smith had been driving the whole day. So of course, he decided to get out of the car to stretch his legs and maybe cool his weary feet in the water.
I mean, that sounds like a perfectly normal thing to do around zebra and wildebeest who also happen to be a lion’s favorite meal- Nothing strange or unbecoming in this scenario at all. So out he gets to cool his feet. As luck would have it, one of our rangers had decided to show his guests the watering hole as well. Unbeknown to Mr. Smith A few lions were lying in ambush a mere 20m from him.
The ranger calmly informed Mr Smith that it might be a good idea to get back in his car. It was at that moment that the lions sprung!!! Luckily Mr. Smith made his car just in time before the lions came crashing through the bush. What have we learnt here kids? Do not leave the safety of your car in the Kruger or any other game reserve for that matter. Or book a tour with reputable guiding company who will not only ensure your safety but will teach you a lot about the fauna and flora of that specific park.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Rock climbing in an incredible sport. It challenges you both mentally and physically. But like any adventure activity, there are dangers that you need to be aware of. Take a vindictive and cruel climbing harness for example. If not treated properly they turn on you in an instant with catastrophic results.
Mr. Smith has decided to go rock climbing with some friends. He had it waxed. The only thing he might have been a bit a bit unsure of was how to put a harness on properly and kinetic energy. Mr. Smith had just climbed up an epic 30m cliff face and was ready to descend.
However he had not put his harness on correctly. His left scrotum was on the outside of the harness. A little uncomfortable he thought but something he could endure until he got down. Half way down, and tragedy struck. He had been gathering speed and his belayer below had decided to bring him to a sudden stop.
The result was catastrophic!!
Imagine for a moment what happens to an inflated balloon when you squeeze it. Yip. It kind of bulges out away from the exerted force applied. Well that is kind of what happened to Mr. Smiths Scrotum. It bulged out like a balloon as it was squeezed between the harness and his pants. We would have loved to add how it split and got tad gory but we’d rather not.
There you have it!! Some of the weirdest and craziest stories we have come across in the adventure world. If you have a story to share we would love to hear from you!!! [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]